Somewhere

            

            With Somewhere, Sofia Coppola took a not very complex story and tried to pretend it was some deep, insightful masterpiece.  She did this by dragging out shots to nearly unbearable lengths, and made the bold move of not ever really having anything happening in the movie.  She tried to make her own little 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The problem was, she just didn’t have as much to say as Kubrick did.  With Odyssey, Kubrick would place an image on the screen, leave it their long enough for the audience to think about it, and then he would move on.  Coppola tried to do this too, but missed the part where you show something worth thinking about for ten minutes. 

            Take the opening shot of the movie:  A black Ferrari drives laps on a dirt course in the middle of nowhere.  Each lap takes a long time, as most of the track is off screen.  After about the second lap, the audience understands that this is probably a metaphor for the main character’s life; how he is “going around in circles”, and that despite his obvious financial success, he’s still left unfulfilled and bored in his life.  Then Coppola lets the shot go on for about another nine laps.

            She uses these excruciatingly long sequences of monotony throughout the film regularly.  I realize she did this to make the audience see just how dull and tedious the protagonist’s life is, but she could have done this in about four minutes and then moved on with the story.  Instead, we’re left with the feeling that she just needed to pad out the film’s running time.

            The fact is the story itself just wasn’t new or interesting enough to warrant such ballsy moves on the part of the filmmaker’s.  Stephen Dorff plays a guy who, despite his riches and numerous women, is left unfulfilled in life due to his lack of meaningful relationships.  This isn’t exactly a groundbreaking concept.  In fact, Crazy Stupid Love, which I just saw last night, deals with this same exact concept with a secondary character, and still manages to be entertaining and funny and dramatic, and doesn’t feel the need to torture the audience into understanding the point. 

            All this being said, I didn’t hate this movie.  I realized all the reasons that I should have hated it, but for some mysterious reason, I just didn’t.  It could be Elle Fanning as the protagonist’s daughter, who shines brilliantly and injects the film with a very intentional jolt of energy.  It could be the music, which I really dug.  But I think the reason I couldn’t hate this movie is that it actually tried to be something.  I would much rather see a movie that tried to be great and wound up being mediocre than a movie that tried to be mediocre and succeeded, (Green Lantern, Transformers, Thor, Captain America, which was so mediocre I couldn’t even think of enough things to write about it to warrant writing a full review).  This is the first time all summer that I’ve been able write a lot about a movie I’d seen, and for that, I’m grateful.  It feels good having a lot to say about a movie, even if most of those things aren’t positive. 

Horrible Bosses

            

Horrible Bosses is hilarious.  Seriously.  Go see it.  You’ll like it.  I promise.

            And don’t worry. This isn’t one of those comedies that shows all the best jokes  in the trailers, which is what I was afraid of, since those were some damn funny trailers.  Don’t get me wrong, they showed some great moments, but there are many more to be had in this movie.  And it’s probably for the best that they showed such funny stuff in the trailers, since I actually wasn’t planning on seeing this until I watched the full trailer and laughed my caboose off.

            This is an unparalleled comedic ensemble cast, and each of the seven, yes seven, lead actors gets to have his/her moment in the sun.  That being said, Charlie Day is the best.  This will be the film to propel him to stardom.  Every line he said was met with uproarious laughter by my theater, and more importantly, he just portrayed an extremely likable guy.  Mark my words, Horrible Bosses will do for Charlie Day what The Hangover did for Zach Galifianakis.  Let’s just pray Day handles it better than Galifianakis did.  

            Like I said, the remaining six cast members are also hilarious, especially Kevin Spacey.  Jason Sudeikis had the toughest sell in front of him, as he was the only cast member I wasn’t partial to before the film.  Also, his character causes the most trouble for the protagonists, so he could have easily come off very irritating.  I’m happy to say he wound up being just as likable and funny the rest of the cast.

            It’s hard to discuss this movie without spoiling too much, as much of the enjoyment stems from the shocking and unexpected twists the plot takes.  For a comedy, this movie was surprisingly intense.  I jumped at a few parts, and was really concerned about what would happen to the main characters.  I guess that just goes to show how far good, likable protagonists can go.  Even if it hadn’t been funny, this would have made for a very interesting film.  The pants pooping hysterics are just a bonus.

            So seriously, just go see it.

4/5

Transformers: The Dark of the Moon

            

            It doesn’t make sense to rate Transformers: The Dark of the Moon.  This isn’t a movie that deserves to be described as “good” or “bad”.  The only way to describe it would be to call it “a Transformers movie”.

            That being said, this movie is bad.  It wasn’t as goddamn painful as Revenge of the Fallen was, but it was still bad.  To be honest, I have a hard time remembering anything from any of the Transformers movies.  They’re all just a blur.  But I do remember my reactions to them, and my reaction to this one was far less severe than my reaction to the second one.  So kudos on that Michael Bay.

            As with both the other Transformers movies, the only parts that I really found interesting were the scenes before the giant robots show up.  I enjoy seeing Shia LaBeouf’s crazy antics as he tries to get with a hot girl.  It’s entertaining to me.  I might even watch a whole movie of that.  Especially if you add an over the top John Malkovich.  Then the giant robots showed up and completely ruined everything.

            I’ve noticed with huge, CGI driven movies like these, my mind turns off as soon as the action starts.  When I see giant robots and aliens fighting in a big city, my eyes immediately glaze over, my brain turns off, and I don’t switch it back on until real people show up again and start talking.  This isn’t intentional, it’s just that it is very difficult to relate and be emotionally involved in scenes that you know were created in somebody’s computer.  That is why I was a little more pleased with this Transformers movie.  There was actually an action scene that I didn’t zone out on.  The scene in question is the one where the team of humans is inside the building that is being tipped over by a big worm transformer.  For the first time in this series, I actually was interested in one of the action scenes, which is a big deal.

            That’s really all I have to say about this movie.  It wasn’t as horrible as the second one, but it still wasn’t any better than getting punched in the head.  I’m looking forward to next week when I get to review Horrible Bosses, since for the first time this summer, I don’t already know if that movie is going to be good or not. It’s hard to complain too much about Transformers or Green Lantern, since you know what you are getting when you buy your ticket.  I’m excited for a surprise.

2/5

Green Lantern

            

           As far as stupid superhero movies go, Green Lantern was mostly watchable.  I wasn’t dying to get out of the theater five minutes in, which was a nice change of pace from most of the other summer blockbusters released so far (with the exception of Super 8).  I’m sure my expectations played a role in my enjoyment of the film.  I expected it to be god awful, and it was just semi awful.

            Obviously the acting wasn’t anything special.  Ryan Reynolds is a likeable guy, Blake Lively is gorgeous, and Tim Robbins is that guy from The Shawshank Redemption.  My favorite character had to be Peter Sarsgaard as the secondary villain, Hector Hammond.  My reason for this was that he was the only character that I hadn’t seen a million times in other superhero movies.  There’s the cocky lead that gets responsibility suddenly thrust onto him, there’s the generic love interest, there’s the nerdy comic relief friend, etc.  Sarsgaard actually thought outside the box with his character, and gave him some interesting depth that was unique in a movie like this.  In fact, I’m kind of surprised the studio executives let him get away with playing the villain as a whiny, darkly amusing nerdlinger.  However he got away with it, good for him.

            The main villain came in the form of Parallaxagam (or something like that, I’m not bothering to double check imdb for this review), a giant cloud of evil fear gas.  This villain was much scarier when it appeared 20 years ago in Fern Gully.  The only time Parallaxative was actually menacing was when it swarmed New York at the end of the movie, since the audience had something to compare it to, size wise.  This was actually a pretty intimidating visual.  For the rest of the movie, it just hung about in space, looking as ominous as a Rastafarian wig that someone dropped in a fish tank.  And for the love of God, if you’re going to make your villain a giant cloud of gas, don’t give him a tiny human head in the center.  That just looks stupid.  Seeing as how he never said anything important anyway, I’d have suggested just scrapping the head and all of its useless dialogue entirely. 

            I’d like to take a look at the comics the movie was based off of and see if there would have been a way to make the aliens look less cartoony.  There was uproarious laughter in my theater every time the “elder” aliens were shown, and stifled laughter every time Mark Strong appeared.  If they wanted the effects to look that ridiculous, the filmmakers should have made the movie itself a bit more light and fun, rather than taking itself so darn seriously. 

            All in all, if you’re expecting Green Lantern to be terrible, you’re mostly right, but maybe not completely.  And if you’re expecting Green Lantern to be a masterpiece, nothing I can say is going to dissuade you from seeing it.  Everybody wins.

           

1.5/5 

Super 8

            

           I would like to take this opportunity to thank the makers of Super 8.  Thank you, J.J Abrams and company for allowing me the opportunity to see what it would have been like to have seen a film like E.T. or Close Encounters of the Third Kind or even Jaws in theaters.  As a guy who was born in 1991, I am very grateful.

            I understand Super 8 wasn’t quite on par with those films as far as quality, but it had the same spirit.  It was a blast of fresh air to see a summer movie that was content just having fun.  No darker themes, no sex scenes, and no leaving it open to create some sort of mega trilogy.  Just a romp through the imagination of its creator, and a nostalgic glimpse at an interesting time, especially for movies.

            It never fails to amaze me how far good characters can take a film.  It was especially surprising in this film, as I nearly always hate children in movies.  But this group of kids were instantly likable, and more importantly, realistic.  They didn’t sound like a surrogate for a screenwriter desperately trying to squeeze laughs from an audience.  They sounded like real kids, and what we hear from them was just us overhearing some of their conversations.  They don’t know we’re listening, and they don’t care.

            The scares in the film were fine, but really, the scares and the monster in general took second seat to the main bunch of characters.  At times, the monster plot almost seemed to be a distraction from the main attraction that was these kids attempts to make a zombie movie.  It never became a real issue, but the idea was there, gently tugging at my subconscious in some scenes.

            While I realize it’s impossible, I almost wish Abrams and company had refrained from using CGI at all, just for the purpose of rounding out the nostalgic 1970’s feel.  I’m probably the only one, but I would have loved to see a claymation monster, and old school effects. 

            In the end, this movie isn’t about the CGI, or the monster, or the viral marketing campaign.  It’s about a feeling, and it’s a feeling that hasn’t been experienced by audiences for a long time.

4/5

X-Men: First Class

X-Men: First Class was a unique case in that every single problem the movie had was the director’s fault.  This is strange, because at it’s worst; direction is something most viewers won’t even consciously notice.  But really, the screenplay was fine, if not extraordinary, and most of the acting was phenomenal.  All of my complaints came from the clumsy, oftentimes inept direction handled by Mr. Matthew Vaughn.

The first red flag that went up for me was the opening scene, where Magneto reveals his power to the Nazis.  The scene was lifted nearly shot-for-shot from the original X-Men movie.  “Really?”  I thought.  I understand this is vital information for the audience, but isn’t it the point of a reboot/prequel to show us things we’re familiar with already in a new and interesting way?  I shrugged it off in the hopes that it was just a minor misstep for the film, but I soon realized this scene was the least of the movie’s problems.

I don’t think there was a single scene in this movie that didn’t make me laugh.  Between cheesy reaction shots, hilariously awkward exposition scenes, or bizarre choices as far as actor handling, the entire film had an uncomfortable, humorous vibe.  It was so excessive in fact, that I began to wonder if Mr. Vaughn had intentionally decided to adopt a campier, more retro tone to fit with the 1960’s setting.  That would have been fine, but if the director doesn’t let the audience in on the joke, then the joke is on him.  It’s never a good thing if the audience can’t tell if a movie is trying to be funny or not.   And considering the hundreds of repressed chuckles I heard during the scene where Magneto’s mother is shot in front of him, I’m going to assume Vaughn didn’t know he was being funny.  The kid who played Magneto might have been a fine actor, but even Daniel Day Lewis himself couldn’t make actions like these not hilarious: “Okay kid, I want you to shout ‘AAAARGH!!!’, pause, turn, then repeat three or four times.  Action!”

Vaughn also struggled to convey a coherent narrative for the audience to follow.  During certain points of the film, it would suddenly occur to me that I had no idea what was going on.  “Kevin Bacon bad, Xavier good” was about the extent of the information I absorbed.  Any other details were lost in a myriad of dull conversations and laughably obvious exposition scenes, where we would awkwardly cut to two generals presenting a few lines for the sole purpose of setting up the next scene.

As I said, if not for the incompetent direction, First Class could have been a very enjoyable film.  James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender were perfect as Xavier and Magneto.  I had no trouble believing that these two could grow up to be the Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen versions of the characters I was familiar with, but at the same time they brought their own traits to the roles, and made the characters more three dimensional in the process.  It’s just a shame that the man in charge of them couldn’t direct his way out of a paper bag.

Oh, and one more thing.  SPOILER ALERT.

Even the movie’s “best” moment could have been tweaked to make it a hell of a lot better.  The scene where Hugh Jackman appears to turn down Xavier for the first time was undeniably funny.  So why did Vaughn feel the need to ruin the joke by staying on Wolverine for about thirty seconds too long, just to watch him order another drink?  It’s as if Vaughn was afraid people wouldn’t get it, so he beat the cameo over our heads just to make sure, and made the one enjoyable scene awkward in the process.  Thanks Vaughn.  Thanks a lot.

1/5

Thor

            

            Thor is one of those movies that you expect to be terrible, winds up being pretty good, then you never think about again for the rest of your life.  At least until The Avengers comes out, maybe.

            I thought that Thor looked pretty stupid.  I mean, it’s hard to get excited about a movie that openly admits it is just a required precursor to a hopefully much cooler movie due out in a few years.  The situation wasn’t helped by some very dumb previews, and a main star who’s biggest credit is being “the dad of Captain Kirk in the Star Trek reboot”.

            All that being said, Thor turned out to be pleasantly surprising.  The action was cool, the ice monster things were scary, and Chris Hemsworth’s likability is not to be underestimated.  Really, the best thing about this movie was that it wasn’t afraid to be fun.  I love The Dark Knight, but not every superhero movie needs to mimic its gritty, realistic tone.  Especially superhero movies that feature a “rainbow bridge” and a 25-foot tall magical fire-breathing robot.  This movie would have been laughable had it all been treated seriously, and fortunately Kenneth Branagh and team realized this and decided to have fun with it.

            And, like most fun popcorn summer blockbusters, this one was not perfect.  I found Loki as the villain to be very boring.  It was an interesting attempt to have a comic book villain be multi-faceted and relatable, but the screenwriter and Tom Hiddleston make Loki so watered down, I don’t care what happens to him one way or the other.  Another puzzling casting move was having Natalie Portman play the scientist love interest.  If you’re going to hire one of the best actresses alive today, why not make her character more interesting than a brick wall?  And despite the riotous laughter coming from my theater, I thought Kat Dennings was ingratiating as the comic relief.  But that one might just be me.

            Still, I expected Thor to be completely stupid, and it was only a little stupid. It had fun, and the fun was catching.  That being said, I have no desire to ever see it again.  Although I am completely psyched for The Avengers.  Is it 2012 yet?

3/5